From a special edition of 15 copies of Frank O’Hara’s Meditations In An Emergency (1957), which included an original drawing/collage by Grace Hartigan.
via Yale Library
IT’S SO HARD WHEN YOU’RE IN A CUDDLY MOOD AND DON’T HAVE ANYONE TO CUDDLE WITH THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much.
How to love your depressed lover.
Last night I thought I kissed the loneliness from out your belly button. I thought I did, but later you sat up, all bones and restless hands, and told me there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo. I never know what to say to these things. “It’s okay.” “Come back to bed.” “Please don’t go away again.” Sometimes you are gone for days at a time and it is all I can do not to call the police, file a missing person’s report, even though you are right there, still sleeping next to me in bed. But your eyes are like an empty house in winter: lights left on to scare away intruders. Except in this case I am the intruder and you are already locked up so tight that no one could possibly jimmy their way in. Last night I thought I gave you a reason not to be so sad when I held your body like a high note and we both trembled from the effort.
Some people, though, are sad against all reason, all sensibility, all love. I know better now. I know what to say to the things you admit to me in the dark, all bones and restless hands. “It’s okay.” “You can stay in bed.” “Please come back to me again.
Can I call you? I miss the sound of your voice.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
- finding someone aesthetically pleasing
- being sexually attracted to someone
- being romantically attracted to someone
WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND
It boils down to this;
Finding someone sexually attractive: I want to have sex with you.
Finding someone romantically attractive: I want to date you.
Finding someone aesthetically pleasing: I want to draw you.
If it’s all three, you’re fucked.